The Mom Friend

Making friends is hard once you are past a certain stage in life: no longer sharing the social situations that school affords, it can be challenging to find people who share your interests and experiences. Especially for moms (although, not limited to them) where living in the daily grind of raising kids severely limits your contact with the outside world making it tough to connect with other women who also are limited in the same regard. Despite the odds, that are seemingly against me, I have stepped outside my comfort zone to find a “mom friend” to commiserate with, laugh with, cry with and, basically, share an adult conversation with.

Finding a friend is no easy task.

First off, my husband’s job requires that we move around about every two years. Usually what this means is that just when I have found some really good women friends, who I am just getting comfortable with, we have to move. Sad, I know, but the positive side of this is that I carry with me their friendship wherever we go and through the magic of facebook I always have someone to talk to, even when they are far away.

Secondly, I tend to gravitate towards women who have at least as many kids as I do, if not more. So my three and her three + can end up being slightly chaotic when we get together. The logistics of planning a meeting that takes into consideration everyone’s nap schedules, lunch schedules, activity schedules is enough to frazzle the steeliest of nerves. Never would we consider meeting at anyplace out in public that did not include a playground, a fence, a restaurant with a  menu that contains items for one dollar or an enclosed ball pit. Conversations are never uninterrupted, they contain subject matter that would bore the average person, and thoughts are almost never expounded on, or even completed! Man, is it worth it though!

Thirdly, I am never sure what is appropriate when approaching a new friend. Have you ever met those people who you are just drawn to and you know you could be good friends? I never know how to let them know of our friend potential without coming off as too forward. Somehow, “I really like you and I think we could be really great friends if you would just get to know me” sounds far too desperate at this age (at any age, really, once you are past 6). So here I am finding ways to talk to new moms I have met and shamelessly using my children for an excuse for the adults to get together (which is WAY more desperate than the too forward approach), hoping they will like me, too, and praying they will never find out how completely thrilled I am that we are friends until it is past the point when that kind of full disclosure it completely appropriate.

Lastly, once we have moved past the stage where the moms just  hang out with the kids it is inevitable that we take things to the next level where the parents hang out with just each other. This always proves be a hangup as the women that I like have husbands that my husband is lukewarm with and the guys he really likes come with wives that I sometimes can just tolerate (this makes it sound like there is a 50/50 hangup issue here, but really my husband could probably hang out with anyone and I tend to be the much less tolerant half).  The step up from “mom friend” would be the enviable, and much sought after, “couple friend,” which I am pretty sure had a whole episode of “King of Queens” dedicated to it so you know it’s a big deal.

Recently, I have run into some very promising prospects for “mom friends” that I will be actively pursuing but I am always open to applicants.


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Lynn on 16 January 12 at 7:15 pm

    Too bad we live to far away!! You are a great friend and good luck with your “prospects”. I have the same issue. We have lived here for 6 years now and I still haven’t found someone that I can totally cry, laugh, be silly and take advice from. I left those friends in Denver.


  2. I had to come back and post a comment, (I can’t post comments on the iPad on WordPress) because I totally loved this post! I like how you lay it all out there, I can totally relate with so many aspects of this. Although the moving thing is something I’ve not had to go through the past few years. But I know it is starting over again, making those connections, getting to know people–it all takes time. I hope some of your prospects pan out! 🙂 And I like how you’re always open to applicants. I like your writing.


  3. Posted by Kindy on 3 February 12 at 4:35 pm

    Ummm. I could be an applicant. That is if you’re looking for a much older friend! 🙂


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