Sense of Self

The other day I posted that, at times, being a mom makes me feel like I am losing my sense of self but as I thought about this I realized that this isn’t true. I do, in fact, have a very strong sense of self, built on firm foundations: Christ as my cornerstone, the infallible Word of God, my faith, my loving family, my friends. I know who I am and I know who I want to be based on those things, even more importantly, God knows who He wants me to be. Besides I don’t long to be the person I was five years ago, ten years ago…self is who I am now and what I have gained, not something that I have lost. Recently, I attended my ten-year high school reunion, the most interesting and fun people were the ones who had changed, matured, grown more dynamic. Then there were those who were exactly the same as in high school! They fit back into their same molds perfectly….maybe they need ten more years….but I digress.

So what exactly am I feeling? Maybe a loss of autonomy? Rarely do I make decisions based on what I want but rather what my family needs. I am inextricably linked to them and I am okay with that. It is the nature of motherhood. My life is not my own, I have chosen to lay it down for my husband and my children just as Christ laid his life down for me. I know I couldn’t do it without his example, either. What I used to think of as necessities, like sleep and quiet, have become luxuries that I fully relish when they do occur. What I really think happens is that when one bemoans their “loss of self” they are really embracing their “sense of selfishness”. It is easy for our fleshly natures to divert down this path and then rationalize it by another name. Don’t get me wrong, though, because I do believe that mom’s need separation, sleep, quiet, a good book, an unshared piece of chocolate. Indulging in those luxuries are a lot more affordable than a few nights in the psych ward, the mandated break from reality!

So “sense of self”….something to be examined? Any thoughts?

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One response to this post.

  1. Yes, I think we do indeed become more selfless, by need really. There are more demands on us by those we care for, as the numbers increase. I think for me the loss of self or sense of self is that I do not get to do things by myself very often. Life is different for sure. And I do enjoy life with kids, wouldn’t trade them for anything! It is just hardcore day in day out busy.

    Reply

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